Men’s 1st XV v Old Dunstonian 11/10/2008

Home – London 3 South East

Report by Andy Ward

Won 63-0

Well, a return to winning ways – with as big a bang as you could hope for. The facts – 25-0 up at half time, 63-0 the result, a try in 2 minutes speak for themselves but, as ever, mere facts cannot enrapture the reader (ok – maybe not enrapture!) like the written word.

As has become customary – if a little tedious – I’ll start by describing the preamble. After having had to drive to Leamington Spa and back that morning, I arrived ravenous at the ground taking solace in the odd pint of Carling or three before feasting on the roast lamb that was set before me. Top scoff! Several helpings later, then dessert (only one portion – which was a shame) then a bit of cheese and biccies satisfied the inner man sufficiently for me to sharpen pencil and to watch the proceedings.

Those of you who were around 3 seasons ago will recall that OD were champions of SE4 and very strong – thumping us twice if I recall. This term, they were just kept from being bottom by our neighbours Lewes. However, they had only been pipped by 1 point last week by league leaders Warlingham and only by one score in each of their previous three league games. So, the jury was still most definitely out as to how the game would go. OK, it wasn’t out very long as blistering play by Hove after receiving the OD kick off saw 5 points on the board rapid fashion. The ball was taken by Hove who advanced rapidly passing the ball well, then kicked on for flanker Dave Wattam to chase, collect and go over for the try – to the delight of the home supporters and coaches. The kick – way out wide was narrowly missed – a point I will return to later – but things were looking good.

Hove were having 90% of both possession and territory as OD were forced to defend the Hove hordes attacking at will and firing the ball about in a wonderful game of rugby. Back to his electrifying self, full back Adam Phillips produced a master class in how to play the game – drawing praise from all around. Stand off Ryan Morlen got the ball and perhaps took the wrong option with a scrum being awarded to OD. Scrum half Matt Sole looked a bit out of sorts with his opposite number using the full repertoire from the “Scrum Half Handbook of Annoying Things to Upset the Rest of the Players” causing Matt to neglect his duties at the base of the scrum to give the chap a handbag. Luckily skipper Glen Rankin reacted and picked the ball up to pass out to the flying full back and Adam raced in for Hove’s second try of the game – somehow collecting the ball from behind him in a one handed scoop, keeping balance, whilst continuing the forward motion and all at pace. The bewildered OD defence could only look on in awe and think “How the French Connection UK did he do that?”. Well might they ask – but if they were other than infrequent visitors to the recreation ground then they would know it happens with quite delightful regularity. Excellent move and excellent try and then Tom Howell stepped up to strike the kick true and the move was thus rewarded with the maximum points. 12-0 to Hove with 17 minutes gone.

OD were awarded a penalty almost immediately after the restart when referee Webb adjudged Dave Wattam to have dived over. Doesn’t seem likely to me – an Open Side Flanker infringing in the loose – never. The OD skipper elected to take the kick and passed the ball to his 10, only to see the ball go wide thus preserving Hove’s zero points against. Dipo Osho was next to get into the game collecting the ball on the wing and charging for the OD line. A chip and the chase was on with Dipo beating the OD players to the ball but then getting tackled. Frantically, the OD players were trying to bundle him into touch, but Dipo managed to resist throwing himself backwards into them and squeezing the ball to the Hove attack. On rumbled the Hove forwards mauling their way to the line before the little elves (E.L.V.s) came to the OD assistance as they brought the maul down about 5 metres away from the goal line and managed to clear the danger. At this juncture, I should point out that Simon Hope shouted at referee Webb “They’ve pulled it down Sir!”. As all around tittered and advised SH of the latest law changes. Its OK – he’s a prop so he doesn’t understand these finer points of the game.

We were to wait almost 20 minutes for a further score as OD had a better period of the game, gaining some possession and territory. Play was, however, interrupted several times for injuries and both sets of physios were on the field almost as much as the players. This caused referee Webb to add on 10 minutes to the first half proceedings. In the 38th minute (elapsed time as opposed to playing time – and please note that in the match facts below all times are elapsed) the imperious Adam Phillips collected the ball and went on one of his mesmerising runs evading would be tacklers as though he were a Teflon coated eel that had just covered himself in KY Jelly! Slipping past defenders and leaving them grasping air in his wake, Adam slipped the ball outside to Tom Howell who charged – route 1 – through some unsuspecting defender who was left sprawled on the floor before passing the ball back to Adam who had looped round. Adam runs on and gives the ball out to wing James Finlason for an excellent try out wide. Sadly, the conversion evaded Hove and so it was 17-0 with around 10 minutes left of the extended half.

Stand off Ryan Morlen came out second best in a tackle and after lengthy treatment had to be substituted. This gave Sam Whiting an opportunity to come on and the cards were shuffled by the coaches with Adam moving to 10 and Sam to 15. No sooner had everyone settled into their positions when the ball was received by Adam who faced with a line of OD players jinked to his right and chipped the ball with the outside of his boot so that it swerved round them. As they were lunging to their left to try and get the ball Adam rounded them to their right and scooped the ball up as the spin caused it to bounce inwards and off he went. OD managed to stop him but transgressed in doing so and referee Webb awarded a penalty to Hove. Sadly, this opportunity was missed and the score remained at 17-0.

After the penalty miss, Hove were again in the OD 22 when a little melee broke out that resulted in Mr. Webb suggesting that the Hove 3 and OD 2 took ten minutes for contemplation and bible reading. Then, one of the most bizarre things occurred in that the OD had used their FR replacement earlier and so the next scrum had to be uncontested. Well, you could almost hear the anger as the testosterone injected packs had to stand and bend over merely leaning on each other like a bunch of nancies. Still, that’s the way it happens and fortunately that was the only scrum of its kind in the game. Hove were then awarded another penalty and this was scored by Tom to take Hove to 20-0. The last acts of the first half were being played and OD were hoping that the Hove scoring had ceased. They reckoned without Adam Phillips who received the ball, darted this way and that leaving OD players spinning and then went over for a try. Sam now had a go at the conversion, but was unsuccessful. Finally, to the relief of OD, referee Webb blew his whistle at 15:50 according to my watch and OD were to have 7 minutes where they could plot how they were going to approach the second half given the wonder class they had just witnessed.

The second half started with Adam kicking to ODs and in a spooky deja-vue type moment, it transpired that within moments of the half starting, Hove reprised what they did in the first half and were a try to the good. New lock Liam Hale won the ball well and offloaded to flanker Dave Wattam who took the tackle, flipped the ball up for advancing scrum half Matt Sole to go over and so with the half a mere one minute old, Hove were now leading by 30-0. Adam steps up to slot the ball over for two more points and 32 were now in the Hove locker.

After 5 minutes of the second half, referee Webb indicated that bible reading classes were over and invited the two very naughty boys to come back and behave – otherwise next time it would be the naughty step! So, with both teams now up to full strength in the pack, normal knocking on could resume so that they could all have a chance to push each other again. As everyone knows, front rows only care about the scrum results – the rest of the game is all about the girls running round with hairdryers and the ball (and I’ll tell you who told me that some years ago!). Anyway, back to the action. Hove were awarded two penalties within a minute or so of each other and both chances were missed, one by Adam and one by Sam. Still, this wasn’t to stop the advancing Hove juggernaut and within 12 minutes Hove scored another try – the second by wing James Finlason – after receiving the ball from a good pass by Sam Whiting. Fittingly, Sam took the ball back from James and converted it for the extra two points. 39-0 and thank-you very much.

Within a couple of minutes, Hove were at it again and this time flanker Dave Wattam was in for his second and Hove’s seventh try of the game which Sam also converted to take the score to 46-0. A minute later – with no way of avoiding jug purchase, James Finlason got his third try of the match and again Sam converted. It was all one way traffic as OD heads seemed to have dropped. The further two points from Sam’s boot were awarded and Hove were on 53-0. The coaches decided to give Alex a run on and Jamie Waller left the pitch after a good game. Almost immediately after that a second OD player was given ten minutes in the cooling off chamber and with only 10 minutes left that was the end of his involvement for the afternoon.With an extra player and after dominating so much, it was inevitable that Hove would score again and so it was. In the 89th (elapsed) minute scrum half Matt Sole dived for the line and in the 93rd minute Scott Patto scored the final try of the match. Both conversions were missed. In the final seconds, Dipo Osho got the ball and kicked ahead chasing for a final score. It wasn’t to be and in the dive for the line he injured his shoulder and was taken to hospital. He did return later that evening but I’m unsure how his shoulder is.

So, there we have it. 63-0 and an excellent performance. I did state earlier that I would return to the kicking and whilst I don’t want to make too much of it, we are struggling to find consistency. In this game we missed 19 points from wayward kicks and whilst that is high, that is because we scored lots of points. So, if the absolute value is not particularly relevant, I think the relative value should concern us somewhat. We scored 63 points and had we scored all of our missed kicks then we would have scored 82. 22 is approximately 25% of 82 and so we are losing 1 in 4 points. In lower scoring games where both sides are pretty evenly matched that could be the difference between winning and losing. Something to think about anyway.

But, I insist we end on a high note and so we must. It was an absolutely fabulous display and the job of picking man of the match far too difficult. I counselled some fellow spectators, one of the players and one of the coaches and the following were provided as contenders: Adam Phillips, Tom Howell, Dave Wattam, Liam Hale and Harvey Strudwick. To that list must be added James Finlason for scoring three tries if nothing else. All players actually played well and all could be contenders. I think we need a bit more work to gel us properly as a team but that will surely come. The centre pairing of Tom and Scott looked right to me. However, taking all of the above into consideration, but being the one who gets to write this and so I can choose, well my man of the match was Dave Wattam.

All of the above leaves Hove at fourth in the table on six points just above Sevenoaks by points difference of 2. We host Old Alleynians in the EDF Senior Vase next week and it promises to be an entertaining day with the team on fire and a Club Lunch to look forward to.