Men’s 1st XV v Bromley 01/03/2008

Away – London 4 South East

Report by Andy Ward

Won 8-5

Well, with the Playing Manager away and usual deputy (Immediate Past Playing Manager) also away it was down to your correspondent to lead the expedition up to Bromley! With some confusion over timings the Hove party arrive with some 2 hours to spare. This was further exacerbated by a delay in the arrival of the official arbiter (referee) and thus kick off did not occur until 15:25.

But, I get ahead of myself and haven’t fully described the earlier exertions. The usual panic at the Clubhouse as some names were removed from the team sheet and others needing to be added, the new physio to brief and all the paraphernalia that accompanies a first XV to an away game had to be collated ready for transfer to the coach.

Eventually all was decreed as ready as it was ever going to be and we departed from sunny Hove bound for Bromley. We hadn’t gone 1 mile before your correspondent noticed a rather annoying beeping noise emanating from the rather complicated looking control panel at the front of the coach. The driver assured us all that this noise accompanied the indicators being on and that this would recur throughout the journey. These designers and safety monkeys never think that someone may actually want to sleep on these bloody things do they? Anyway, after a bit of argument between the Sat Nav and Blakey on one hand and the far more sensible suggestions from your correspondent and Stotty (probably the last sensible contribution from him for the whole day!) we set going with the planned route down the 25 and up the 21. Sorted. (Secretly, Stotty and I were concerned of the effect of the Anne Summers headquarters from earlier forays into deepest, darkest Croydon “ see Beccahamians report).

Eventually at around 13:00, we arrived at Bromley only to be told about the delay in proceedings but thankfully, your correspondent had prepared for all eventualities and had booked himself in for lunch. Sadly, Stotty, Billy Potter (wizard of these parts) and Blakey had failed to do so and had to rely on watching your correspondent tuck in heartily. It was actually most disconcerting watching the faces of the starving waifs at the window until I asked the Bromley president to close the curtains so that we could enjoy our repast in full!

To his credit, the Bromley President did ask if they wanted feeding “ but I stated they would be fine with just a few potatoes! Anyway, the appointed time arrived and all out onto the touchline to watch the game. A game where the score belied the intensity on the pitch and resulted in an 8-5 win for the away team (that’s us if you’ve got confused by now). It all started brightly enough with Hove winning the ball and kicking left. A penalty was awarded to Hove and we kicked into touch for the line out. Jason Ellison – taller than the rest – collected the ball and set up a drive which marched to the Bromley line with flanker Clayton Saunders being ideally placed to score the try after about 5 minutes of play.

The kick by Dan was agonisingly close but it was not to be. As far as scoring goes, that was it for the first half – but there were several good moves that came to nought – mainly because of bad hands. At one point, Hove were awarded a very kickable penalty but declined the invite and went for a try. This move broke down and some wondered were the team correct in declining what looked like a safe and easy three points.

Time would tell. Frustration at the lack of scoring, both sides lapsed into odd occasions of handbags and the partisan Bromley crowd were pressing the referee to deal solely with the Hove players. With about 5 minutes to go before the interval, the referee decided that it was time to produce some coloured cards but only of the yellow variety which given the fact that it was St. David’s Day and the colour matched that of the daffodils rocking in the eddying breeze that perhaps this was fate just lending a chromatic synchronicity to the day’s proceedings.

So, for Hove, Mr. Baker had a ten minute rest alongside a Bromley representative and the first half came to a gradual end. Coach Jones (revelling in the fact that it was day of the Patron Saint of the Principality) decided to switch things on the wing and brought Liam Kenney on (for Alex Probyn) and in doing so gave the lad his debut for the first team. And so, the second half started in much the same way as the first had concluded.

Many a good build up but no product because of unsatisfactory handling and positioning by both teams, but the crowd sensed that perhaps Bromley were the more likely to score next. The Home team had brought on a couple of young substitutes and they seemed ready to pick up the mantle and to make things happen. Sadly, sometimes youthful enthusiasm is betrayed by just trying too hard and a succession of knocks on, dropped balls and the like frustrated their desire.

That is until the 55th minute of this strangely absorbing contest when Bromley scored wide out right after the winger managed to slip his tackle. The away crowd were surprised as that had not thus far seemed the likeliest hole in what had been a pretty good Hove defence. The score now 5-5 and that was the way it remained as Bromley too missed their conversion attempt.

Now, were Hove to regret the shunned penalty kick from the first half? Within about 5 minutes of the Bromley score, a further bout of handbags ensued This time, the referee felt compelled to take his Cymric association one step further and, no doubt, conjuring pictures of the mighty dragon that adorns the Welsh flag was inspired by its ruby red and alas, Mr. Baker received the crimson card that meant he had no further part to play in this game (or for the next few!).

A brief reshuffle saw Charlie Brock replace Andy Fry at Hooker. What followed next was a confusing chronology as your correspondent and others clearly heard the referee state 5 minutes left and a few minutes after that seven minutes were announced still to be played. Notwithstanding the aforementioned temporal imbalance, Hove strove to get a final score on the board.

Good efforts by Liam Kenney and Adam Phillips (who incidentally, had been christened Basil Fawlty and Charlie Chaplin by the unforgiving Bromley crowd) came to nought. After a rally by Bromley and a brief scare in the Hove 22 the ball came back up the pitch and Hove were awarded a penalty.

Again, confusion as Dan tapped and went only to be brought back by the official to state he had been informed it was to be kicked for goal. Bromley complained that it couldn’t be taken twice and Hove complained that they had given no such indication! Nonetheless, it was a kick for goal in the referee’s opinion and it is his that counts. So, Dan placed the ball, addressed it and kicked the bugger over the bar to add a life saving three further points in the Hove account.

A mere two minutes were left and despite efforts by Bromley to get the ball down field, the whistle went with the score at Bromley 5 and Hove 8.

Perhaps a draw would have been a fair result but Hove are not going to refuse the two points awarded. It only remains for me to thank the Bromley Club for their fine hospitality before the game and good spirit after the game. Best of luck to them in their campaign next season and we hope our paths cross again. The coach journey home would ordinarily merit some mention, but the possible age of my readership prevents me from disclosing the full and frank observations made.

Let me just mention that Liam Kenney bravely undertook his initiation whilst Charlie Brock did not (tsk tsk!). Quite what the patrons at Waitrose thought is unclear but your correspondent assured the security guards that nothing untoward was occurring and he was just the beer bitch for the evening. Doubtless the young ladies on the check out were hoping…

Enough! The rest must remain on tour! So, Folkestone at home next week with a lunch for all who wish (Stotty? Ha ha!), before Bognor at home and the final game at Whitstable away rounding off the league season.

There is rumour that the Shelton trophy (home against the team from No Water Hall!) will not be played as Brighton cannot raise a team. Let’s hope that the rumour is wrong.